To Be On Imaginary Drugs

So far this week I've been asked twice if I'm on drugs when I've said something a bit off beat. Well, I'm not, I just have a hyperactive imagination that allows me to wonder what it would be liked to be corpse camped by a platypus instead of a priest of World of Warcraft. Would you sit there laughing or just be annoyed that a mammal that lays eggs is keeping you from rezzing safely?

Perhaps it is true that I am not like the rest of the world. My therapist, Rita, says that my inner child is fully integrated into my personality and she is quite healthy. She, unlike, the rest of the world things this is a good thing because it still allows me to feel hope and wonder about the big bad world no matter what it throws my way.

It also allows me to still enjoy movies like Kung Fu Panda fully with the rest of the kids in the audience, despite being 32. I giggled when Poe destroyed a kitchen in the search of almond cookies, i felt sad when the other kung fu students insulted him for being unlike them. And i fully enjoyed it to the point of recommenging it even if everyone else views it as a "kids movie."

Granted I suppose I can see other people's point of view when I spout off some of my more odd comments. But it's not like I'm trying to be like this, this is just who I am. I'm the woman who wants to be a snuffleupagus when she grows up. I think it'd be way cool to have my own snuffle and to live on Sesame Street so I could talk to Big Bird whenever I want.

Why be something normal with so much responsibility in the real world? Why not be a shaggy elephant type creature who can rollerskate better than I do on my two human feet...? How is that so wrong when you consider the realistic alternatives...

Being an adult human is hard to do especially in these hard economic times, with all the uncertainty of how I'm going to pay for rent, gas, electric and food. If i can spend a few minutes here and there expounding on the coolness of kids tv shows, or wondering how good a walrus would be as a warlock in World of Warcraft, why am I being asked if I'm on drugs?

Have I done drugs? Why yes I have.

You know what I discovered when drunk and high? I found that I'd rather be sober with my imagination and in control of who I am; than out of control, paranoid, and feeling sick as a substance takes my mind on a roller coaster ride.

To me there is something comfortable about being different from the people who can only talk about what they saw on TV last night. It's comforting, even if it's lonely sometimes. And sometimes I do find people who understand where I'm coming from. When that happens the world clicks into place again and the smile that tickles who I am, bursts forth into full shine on my face.



In other news, my efforts in feeding the wild animals in the back yard is paying off. There is a rabbit that comes every day to gnosh in the afternoon, a very unrabbit hour for him/her to be out. Every time I see that fuzzy grayness in my backyard I hug myself and smile.... it makes me feel special.