Irony (and my beliefs about marriage)

I was thinking this morning about my best friend from high school - Carrie. Back in high school I had assumed that Carrie would be living what is now my life - single, going to bars, living it up. And she assumed that I would be what is ultimately her life - married, kids, and responsability up the wazoo.

Instead she got pregnant with her kid when we were 20. And then married the dad after the fact when we were 21 I believe. She also became the step-mother to the dad's other kid, and ended up having a second child with him.

I was thinking how ironic it was that here I am going to concerts, and clubs every weekend making my own club clothes and living a free life while she is saddled with 3 kids and a not-so-great marriage.

I know for myself that I am pretty happy with the state of my affairs right now. Yes, I get lonely and wish I had a boyfriend where I could just go hang out at his house and read on his bed while he does something else. Or I get tired of coming home to just my dog for company... But ultimately my life is where I want it.

Unlike Carrie's belief that I would want kids when I "got older," I still don't want children. I have a lot of reasons and I'm sure that a lot of people would call me selfish... but I can't even picture myself with a child of my own. That's not something that I can see ever happening to myself. I can see myself with two dogs, but not a kid - unless it's of the goat variety.

(Yes, I can still see myself owning goats again - they are really neat animals.)

I'd love to have a long term companion to share my life with. Someone to travel with and share memories with. Someone to maybe grow old and cranky with but who wouldn't have to marry me for that privledge. It is my belief that love does not make the marriage and marriage does not make the relationship. I just want someone to share my life with.

Marriage has it's benefits like financial stability for one... but there are times I just see marriage as nothing more than a business arrangement between two people. That's what my parents marriage is more or less like. There are days I don't even believe my parents LIKE each other... but they stay together because it's easier than dissolving their finances.

Granted not all marriages are like my parents, but still I see this sort of situation happening far more often the older the couple gets.

In other words - Marriage is started off with "love." They evolve into business. You don't have to like the person you just have to handle your joint money responsibly. And that does involve fidelity - because if you go outside the arrangement then you ultimately will spend the joint money irresponsibly thus putting the business of marriage that your partner andyourself have.

I'm so cynical sometimes.

;P